In our default state, our brains constantly get in the way of effective
communication. They are lazy, angry, immature, and distracted. They can
make a difficult conversation impossible. But Andrew Newberg, M.D., and
Mark Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate
Communication that allows two brains to work together as one. Using
brainscans as well as data collected from workshops given to MBA
students at Loyola Marymount University, and clinical data from both
couples in therapy and organizations helping caregivers cope with
patient suffering, Newberg and Waldman have seen that Compassionate
Communication can reposition a difficult conversation to lead to a
satisfying conclusion. Whether you are negotiating with your boss or
your spouse, the brain works the same way and responds to the same cues.
The truth, though, is that you don't have to understand how
Compassionate Communication works. You just have to do it. Some of the
simple and effective takeaways in this book include: - Make sure you are
relaxed; yawning several times before (not during) the meeting will do
the trick - Never speak for more than 20-30 seconds at a time. After
that they other person's window of attention closes. - Use positive
speech; you will need at least three positives to overcome the effect of
every negative used - Speak slowly; pause between words. This is
critical, but really hard to do. - Respond to the other person; do not
shift the conversation. - Remember that the brain can only hold onto
about four ideas at one time Highly effective across a wide range of
settings, Compassionate Communication is an excellent tool for conflict
resolution but also for simply getting your point across or delivering
difficult news.
