How do you use 'taraddidle' in a sentence? Is it possible to make a
Gin Ricky that's also a metaphor for the American Dream? How can you
tell your Faulkner from your Franzen if you haven't actually read
either?
Allow me, the @GuyInYourMFA, to expound on the most important (aka white
male) writers of western literature. You've probably seen me around,
observing the masses, or defying the wind by hand-rolling a cigarette
outside a local, fair-trade coffeeshop. I've actually read Infinite
Jest 9 1/2 times. Care to discuss?
From Shakespeare's greatest mystery (how could a working-class man
without access to an MFA program be so prolific?) to the true meaning of
Kafkaesque (you know you've made it when you have an adjective named for
you), the pages herewith are at once profound and practical. Use my
ingenious Venn diagram to test your knowledge of which
Jonathan--Franzen, Lethem, or Safran Foer--hates Twitter and lives in
Brooklyn. (Trick question: all 3!) Sneer at chick-lit and drink Mojitos
like Hemingway (not like middle-aged divorcées!).
So instead of politely nodding along next time you make an acquaintance
at a housewarming party in Brooklyn, you can roll up your sleeves and
get to work schooling them in character arcs and the experimental form
of your next great American novel. Dazzle your friends with how well you
understand post-modernism. You'll be at a literary event asking a
question "that's really more of a comment" in no time.
