In 2004, George Goens lost his daughter during the birth of his second
grandchild. How does one respond to the simultaneous crash of life and
death? In The Promise of Living: Loss, Life and Living, Goens wrestles
with his conflicting emotions over the convergence of two very disparate
events - one celebrating the beginning of life, one grieving the loss of
another.
Goens begins his story at the expected date of his daughter Betsy's
birthing of her second child, Luke - his grandson. Goens' joy slowly
twists into panic, then horror when phone calls from his son reveal that
the process has gone awry. Stricken by a rare complication, Betsy
delivers a healthy baby but dies soon after the birth. Thus begins
Goens' journey of grief, anger and despair as he struggles to reconcile
the paradox of his daughter's premature passing juxtaposed to the
developing life of his grandchildren, their family and his own life.
Inexplicable events happen in life, many contrary to our belief in the
natural order, he writes in the book's introduction. Our rational plans
and sense of equilibrium are upset. Chaos seems to reign in both our
internal and external worlds.
Goens re-examines his beliefs, his relationships, his perceptions, his
values, his fears and his dreams of the future. He relives his close
relationship with his daughter, his mid-life crisis that included a
scandalizing affair costing him his marriage and job, and another
shocking loss involving the shooting murder of a school principal in a
district for which he served as superintendent. He wrestles with a grief
many of his friends label as excessive and is humbled by his inability
to take their advice and move on.
He comes to realize that, even while living in a community with family
and friends, everyone must ultimately face loss alone in the quiet of
their own hearts and souls.
Life's only script consists of birth and death, Goens writes. We fill in
what comes between. . . .Whimsy and mystery, serendipity and surprise
fill our lives. The clichéd story of a main character succumbing to
tragedy, falling into a funk, having an epiphany, and seeing the light
and then proceeding back into normalcy doesn't really happen. . . .
Finding peace takes time and is a creative process of small steps,
plateaus, and setbacks, he adds.
Woven throughout the book is Goens' poetry, in equal measures stirring,
contemplative, and inspiring, as exemplified in Love and Sorrow:
Love and sorrow are two sides of the same coin
One's sorrow is in direct proportion to one's
love for another when they are gone.
I am thinking of you in this time of unrelenting sorrow
in celebration of your beautiful and endearing life.
In spite of heart-wrenching circumstances, Goens and his family find a
way to heal through acceptance and forgiveness, and he honors the life
of his daughter by living his own to its full potential. Readers who
have experienced their own devastating loss - or who are close to
someone else who has - will find comfort, inspiration and wisdom in his
story.
