When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women
were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do
deception" was a common resonse.
We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves and
the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the
ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to
our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and
faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided --
efforts to tell the truth.
Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives.
It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and
joy. Yet in the name of "honesty", we can bludgeon each other. We can
approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact
that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than
widening the path of truth-telling.
Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when
she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover
something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our
family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork
first.
Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the
challenge of "being oneself", Lerner helps us to discover, speak and
live our own truths.
