'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old
father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up,
he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out
exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for
the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down
all the things he said to me...'
Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost 1.5 million people follow Mr
Halpern's philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book,
his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around
the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true
portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice.
As Justin says at one point, his dad is 'like Socrates, but angrier, and
with worse hair'; and this is the sort of shit he says...
'You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of
those times. Now gimmie the remote, we're not watching this bullshit.'
'Happy Birthday, I didn't get you a present... Oh, mom got you one?
Well, that's from me then, too - unless it's shitty.'
'Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could
stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.'
'The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst
thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar
2.'
'Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting
to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi.'
