By ABC News's chief national correspondent, an unflinching look at
panic attacks by a reporter whose career was nearly derailed by them,
offering readers a guide to making a truce with their warring minds
Matt Gutman can tell you the precise moment that his life was upended,
even if he can't quite remember it. Reporting live in January 2020,
Gutman found himself in the throes of an on-air panic attack--and not
for the first time. The truth is that Gutman had been suffering panic
attacks in secret for twenty years: gut-wrenching episodes that left his
vision constricted, his body damp, his nerves shot. Despite the
affliction, he had managed to carve out a formidable career for himself,
reporting from war zones and natural disasters before millions of
viewers on Good Morning America and World News Tonight. He had
always managed to "punch through" his panic, his TV appearances kinetic
and often unforgettable.
But Gutman's January 2020 broadcast was noteworthy for all the wrong
reasons. Mid-panic he would misstate the facts of a story, a blunder
that led to a month-long suspension, not to mention heaps of shame and
regret.
It was a wake-up call. Gutman's panic attacks were too much for him to
bear in secret. He needed help.
So begins the author's personal journey into the science and treatment
of panic attacks. He would talk to the world's foremost scholars on
panic and anxiety--they would show him that his mind wasn't broken,
merely in need of recalibration. He would consult therapists and
shamans, trying everything from group treatment and CBT to ayahuasca and
psilocybin. And he would take a hard look at the way the trauma of his
youth--including his father's death in a plane crash at forty-two--still
reverberated inside him.
Unsparing, perceptive, and often funny, this is the story of a panic
sufferer who decided to take on the monster within. Filled with wisdom
and actionable insights, it's both an inspirational journey and a
roadmap--if not toward a singular cure, then to something only more
worthy: peace of mind.
