Yo. Crown Princess Myrindi of Talvayne here. This is the story of my
life so far. It's an inspirational, uplifting tale that won't leave a
dry eye in the house. The film adaptation's going to bring home seven
Academy Awards and inspire at least twice as many hot new looks for
spring. Ah, who am I kidding? My life kind of sucks. I spent my
childhood stuck in the palace with a bunch of dimwitted sycophants who
think khakis are a good idea. I'm doomed to die a gruesome death during
childbirth so my daughter can inherit the magic that protects my city.
My father, the king, essentially jumpstarted a military coup by trying
to sell my hand in marriage-and thus the throne-to the highest bidder.
Let's just say the runner up got his knickers in a bit of a twist. Now
I'm on the run with a crew of mouth-breathing weirdos who may not have
my best interests at heart, hiding out in janitor's closets and public
restrooms and kitschy suburban homes and all sorts of places that make
me wish I could bathe in bleach. I haven't had a decent mani-pedi in
days. But you know what? This is my f'ing city and those coup jerks
can't have the place.